the midway point

You’re not going to find it.
—How do you know?
I suppose it’s just a feeling.
—That it won’t come back. That some things do, but this won’t. Yes. So whatever you imagine it was/

—Whatever you imagine/ /You have to reimagine.

—What would happen if the slash leaned in the other direction?

Meaning we tilt backwards. Like this?\

\\ \
—The past is less present.
Like the wind changing direction?
—I could never tell where it was coming from.
That’s a problem for a sailer.
—But that day... that day it turned and we came about and you could have drowned but as if by magic... and I want to believe.

///

Somebody remembers a song, but they don’t sing it right:

Pennies from heaven/Why can’t it be true\When I find pennies/I think they’re from you//// And I wish the same wish with each penny I find

That I’ll see you again, not just in my mind

Pennies from heaven Appear on my path
And I’m counting on pennies To undo time’s math

[reversal\]

Oh how I miss how we strolled down the block
Miss your hands, miss your eyes, miss the way you would talk Miss the songs you would sing and the stories you’d tell
I would toss all my coins into one wishing well
If my wish could turn back every clock—-

LEAVE IT HANGING THERE. DON’T FINISH THE SONG. —No need to shout.
Okay.

HAVE I MENTIONED THIS ALL TAKES PLACE IN A SLEEP CLINIC? —Shhh. Headache.
Sorry.

This is the midway point.

[animal sounds]
[rustling]
[suspenseful music] [lighthearted music] [enigmatic music]
[soft, unsettling music] [meandering music] [dramatic music] [solemn music] [pensive music]
[soft, ominous music] [ambient country music]
 [melancholy music] [melancholy music] [melancholy music] [birdsong]

—Were people dancing during that music part? Was it music or just words?

I want to transform my regret into — um — yeah. No I don’t. —Were you going to say “dancing”?
/\
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No, I wasn’t going to say dancing. —Sort of looked like you were. Going to. No.

—Sort of looked like it.
We have reached the end. Or halfway to it. (more time passes.)

I would like to end with a song. —End what?
My dreams.
—Your regrets?

Are you asking if my dreams are my regrets?

—I hasn’t thought of it that way. It will be a song about regret. —Will that end your regret?
I don’t think so, no.

—But you’ll dance to the regret?
If possible.
—Will it all be clear?
Given that I am still half-asleep, highly unlikely. —But, at some point?

I hope.
/
—Oh. And. What is “half asleep”? Midway between sleep and wake. —But you don’t know when you’ll wake.

CLIPBOARD PERSON: REM?

No.
Have you tried inputting this into IA? Inputting what?
A song about regret.
Not yet.

(Note: Sing sweetly. Make it a lullaby.) ANOTHER SONG:

There was a time
I think it was 1929
Paul Klee stood on the banks of the Nile staring with surprise The sun was high in the sky
A baby started to cry
Five thousand miles away
On the Lower East Side

And we’ve traveled, how we’ve traveled, so far away, far and wide

There was a time
I think it was 1992
The painting in a frame reminds me somehow of you

And we’ve traveled, how we’ve traveled, so far away and so wide

Highways and byways
Slashing through time
And all the roads taken meet where the river flows on

Scoop up the earth, in each fist A million deaths, a million births Wars that come and go

My parents start their dance Soon I’m alive by chance

And we’ve traveled, how we’ve traveled, so far away, far and wide

Imagining a faraway land my father takes my hand
Says “This was a king, now he’s encased in glass, can you imagine Can you imagine the riches there
Can you imagine three thousand years ago
Can you imagine the things we do not know
And when I’m gone, it won’t be long, it won’t be long can you imagine”

“Don’t worry, child, for everything that was will come again” And we’ve traveled, how we’ve traveled
So far and is wide
Highways and byways

Digging through time
And all the roads taken meet where the river flows on

/////////

^This sidebar was going on with the song. The PERSON WITH THE CLIPBOARD was saying to one of the hooked-up-to-wires sleepers, talking the whole time:

My advice is to stop clicking in true crime stories.
You think that would help.
I have found it does indeed help. You’re not going to do that though, are you.
It helps me relax.
I think it’s doing the opposite.
It’s an escape from the horrors of the world.
Horror meets horror?
It works on the same principle as homeopathic medicine, maybe, I guess.
Insomnia is a curable disease but your fear of sleep is an obstacle.
I’m afraid of many things. I’m afraid of making phone calls.
Phone calls are obsolete.
I think I stay up all night so I will be too tired to make calls during the day. And I can’t call anyone at night. The late night friends are all gone. I used to have them, late night friends.

///////

IN THIS MOMENT EVERYONE IS ASLEEP. EVEN PERSON WITH CLIPBOARD NODS OFF, STILL STANDING. THEY ALL SLEEP UNTIL A VERY LOUD ALARM GOES OFF.

Time is up.
—I had so much more I wanted to say! There are always loose ends.
—Did we ever get to the midway point?

No beginning. No end. Only middle. —Is that a “no”?

//////////Oh by the way — Yes?
Did you ever find
— \\\\\\\What? What you’d lost?

\

—No. You were right about that.
But you still looked.
—Yes. Who wouldn’t.
And you found other things.
—Not what I was looking for but / yes.

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\\///\

(Which is more important - making patterns, or breaking them. —Is that a question.
No.)

—Now I wake up.
So you did fall asleep after all. —Maybe the whole time?
It’s a new day.
—The time is now.
What do you remember?

—That’s always the question.
But why is that always the question.

—Is that a question.

(What next? After this? Yes. You will walk outside. You will find a penny. How so certain? You will keep walking until you find a penny. Try the corner drugstore, people drop them and don’t bother to pick them up. Is that cheating though? What you lost won’t come back. Why so

certain? But other things will. No one values a penny any more. You do. Not for the reasons my grandmother did but— yes. I do.)

And now it’s morning /
I mean it isn’t, yet, but it is about to be \
I imagine it will be /
I imagine, if the pattern holds that it’ s almost hold breath yes \

Wait. Lean into each other / \ morning.

\neena b. 2-2-23 nyc/